M: So Bill, have you ever had a situation where you did something really stupid?
B: Of course! You mean, you know me and you can still ask that question?
M: (Laughs) Okay, tell me the worst. Tell me one that was so bad that you were like, "Oh my God, I'll never live this down!"
B: Hmmm. My stupidest mistake. Hmmm. It's hard to choose. I've made so many stupid mistakes!
M: (Laughs)
B: Hmmm. Okay, I've got it. The biggest screwup of my entire life, probably, was when I was in high school.
M: Really? What happened?
B: To this day I've never lived it down.
M: Tell! Tell!
B: Oh lord, do I have to tell you?
M: Yes! Come on, with a build-up like that, it sounds like a great story!
B: Okay. This is pretty embarassing, but here goes. As I said, this happened when I was in high school. At that time, I had really low self-esteem where sports were concerned.
M: Yeah, I think you mentioned that.
B: The main thing was, I was just too clumsy and I was embarassed about it.
M: Right.
B: And so I had always thought it was better to be safe than sorry.
M: Meaning?
B: Meaning it was better to play it safe and skip school sports altogether rather than risk making a fool of myself in front of the whole school.
M: Aww, come on! You're exaggerating!
B: Nope, I was really uniquely terrible. I was in a class all by myself.
M: (Laughs)
B: But one day I realized that not joining in any school sports made me kind of invisible.
M: Invisible?
B: Yeah, no one knew I existed. Especially the girls, which was the main thing. And seeing how the girls all flocked around the football players, I got it into my head to -
M: Oh no! Don't go there!
B: - Try my hand at football.
M: Football?! But that's the roughest, most violent sport.
B: I know.
M: A thin guy like you could get killed being tackled!
B: I know. And, believe me, I learned that the hard way.
M: I bet!
B: So I decided to go out for football.
M: Wow.
B: You should have seen me the first day. I kept dropping the ball, and I even slipped and fell down once.
M: Oh no!
B: And this was just in practice. The worst was yet to come.
M: It gets worse?
B: On the night of the big game - the state championship - the game was just about in the bag. We were ahead by a touchdown.
M: Uh-huh.
B: So the coach decided to let me play a bit. I guess he figured our lead was so solid, even I couldn't screw it up.
M: (Laughs)Uh-huh.
B: So there we are. Less than three minutes 'til the end of the game. They hike the ball, the quarterback catches it and throws a long pass.
M: Uh-huh.
B: I'm sure he was aiming at the guy behind me, but I just happened to accidentally step in the way, and -
M: Yeah?
B: My reflexes got the better of me. I caught it!
M: Oh, well...great, right?
B: Wrong. You forget that a football in my hands was a dangerous thing for my team.
M: Yeah?
B: Oh, if I had only fumbled it right there, we probably could have run out the clock.
M: Why? What happened?
B: I saw these three big tackles heading straight for me.
M: Yeah?
B: And I panicked. I'd already broken bones once being tackled in practice, so I wasn't going to let it happen again.
M: So, what'd you do?
B: I began to run away from the tackles in the wrong direction!
M: The wrong direction? Oh no! You don't mean -
B: Towards my own teams goal!
M: Oh man!
B: I saw a lot of people in the stands saying, "Stop! Go back!" But I was too scared. Whenever I turned around, I saw those three big tackles on my tail, so I wasn't about to let up.
M: And in the end, did you really do what I think you did?
B: I scored a touchdown for the other team!
M: Oh man! What a disaster!
B: The other team then kicked a field goal and won. I blew the state championship!
M: Poor guy!
B: Oh man, you should have seen the looks on my teammates when I walked into the locker room. Boy, if looks could kill!
M: Oh man, I guess so, huh!
B: And to this day I've never lived it down. Nowadays, when I visit Baton Rouge and someone from school sees me, they still say, "Hey, if it isn't 'Wrong Way Collins'!"
M: Oh no!

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